I am afraid of clowns. The reason I am afraid is because my stepmother loved me.
Before I was afraid of clowns I was afraid of the dark. So my stepmother, (the same one that used to tape love notes about my unending beauty on the bathroom mirror during my awkward braces- spots-lanky hair-adolescence) set herself on a mission to bring cheer and a good night's sleep to my bed room. She slung rainbows everywhere and googley-eyed stuffies, and hung crystals in the window so that they would wake me in the morning with dancing colors.
I had recently broken my parent's edict about watching scary movies and snuck in a few in at a friend's house, including one in which a mummy went on a hunt for the missing crystals stolen from its tomb. He would rip them from the throats of his unsuspecting victims and then tear their heads off. At night, in the dark, my crystals hung like bait beneath the rainbow curtains.
Send in the Clowns.
My stepmother then bought a long legged clown and placed it on the windowsill where it sat observing me with knowing beady glass eyes. It watched my every last move. After several nights I stuck it on a shelf in the closet. The next morning when I opened the doors to get dressed the clown had changed positions. I suspected that my imagination was at work. But the same thing continued for days. It was a horrifying little game. I would place it in a very particular position and in the morning eek!, it would be in a completely different one. I lay away at night barely moving, pillows lined up on either side of me, eyes just barely peeping out...listening for the rustle of the clown moving in my closet...the heavy thud of mummy's feet coming up the drive.
Of course it was my stepmother moving the clown around thinking she was delighting me and that I felt safe and loved and slept like a baby wrapped in clouds and rainbows. Eventually I stuffed the toy deep deep in my closet and didn't bring it up until my late teens when something reminded me. I can still manipulate her into just about anything by bringing this up.
And that was just when I was eight.
The nighttime can be a long scary journey for a child and parents often unwittingly, with the best of intentions, make it worse. We think we know what we are doing, and sometimes we do, but there is so much information out there and most of it is conflicting. For my own children I was a big proponent of Monster Spray...you know, you fill a spray bottle or label an aerosol can with the words MONSTER SPRAY and leave your child armed to do battle (after a few sprays into the corners yourself just as a preventative measure). I just read an article saying that monster spray is a terrible thing...enforcing your child's belief in monsters by indicating that you believe in them too. Ugh.
Still, I am a believer in empowerment and I, like most children, know that being told that monsters don't exist don't exactly make it so.
Once long ago we were little more than animals huddling around fires in caves. In the dark things roamed that wanted to eat you. The only protection we had was light, and shelter, and each other. We developed fear reactions to protect us from perceived harm.
Fear causes certain certain physiological reactions such as increased heart beat and shallow breathing. Your blood courses through your body and everything goes on red alert ready for fight or flight. Needless to say this is not the ideal situation for a good night's rest.
Children need adequate sleep to develop properly. Lack of sleep can affect their moods, school performance, energy level, appetite, and even their growth.
At Hygge we believe that the best thing you can do is go to the source. Ask your child what they are afraid of. They will probably be relieved to hand the burden over to you.
Do not think that your older children are not afraid. They are the least likely to share their night time fears with you because they are embarrassed. Typically, young children are afraid of monsters and things that go bump in the night and older children are afraid of real threats like burglars and other bad guys.
All these fears can be addressed in the way you arrange or decorate their room. You do not need to add rainbows or princesses or airplanes to help your children sleep at night, sometimes the simplest tricks make the biggest difference...
and please...no clowns.
Things you can do to ease your child's fears:
Loneliness is a big part of nighttime fears. All day children are surrounded by other people, parents, school mates, siblings. If you have multiple children you may find that they prefer to be together at night. (This of course is not always the case!) An only child can greatly benefit from the addition of a pet. Even a bird, fish, or hamster offers some measure of "protection" and companionship.
Sometimes all it takes is a security blanket or favorite stuffed animal. My daughter had a big bird we called The Guardian.
A night light (or two...or three) can make all the difference. The dark is big and scary. Push your child's bed against a wall. Some children hate feeling vulnerable out in the open.
I bet you used to run and jump for the bed trying to clear that forbidden zone where something underneath could reach out and grab you. Children that are afraid of "under the bed" can benefit from a trundle bed or one that has drawers (you get extra storage that way too and don't have to chase out stuffed animals and dirty socks.) Even placing a mattress on a platform or directly on the floor can make an enormous difference to a frightened child.
On the other side of the coin, one of my children always felt better if she was higher up, so a loft or bunk bed was always her choice.
To diminish the fear of things-that-lurk-in-closets, find out if your child feels better with the door opened or closed. Making sure you close the door tightly at night can help, or perhaps your child would prefer open shelving. Same thing with the bedroom door...find out if they want it left cracked open, all the way, or shut tight to keep them secure.
Almost all children want curtains over their windows at night. Make sure they are thick enough, large enough, and do their duty of offering privacy.
Certain objects that are wonderful during the day (like crystals in the windows) can become frightening at night because of the way the dark and shadows distort their appearance or change their meaning. Furniture, toys, or hanging decorations may become sinister after the sun goes down.
Please always always listen to your child. They want to tell you what they are feeling, they need your help and protection.
The very best thing you can do for your children is reassure them and make sure that they know their thoughts and feelings are valid.
Sometimes nighttime fears are a reflection of something that is truly threatening the child. If you think your child's fears are excessive or are symptomatic of a real danger, talk to them and get help for them.
A concerned and receptive parent is the best Monster Spray out there.
Resources: http://childrenscenter.sa.ucsb.edu/PDF/ParentSupport/Fears.pdf www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/info/growth/diagnose/bedtime-fears.htm
No comments:
Post a Comment